Current mood:	nostalgic
Current music:	ill be missing you-puff daddy

i can officially say its been the worst week ever.



churchill-7
damascus-14

actually the thing is...i really dont care about football. its my brother. i am so proud of our team like woah! they have had an amazing season and damascus is damn good and those boys are so strong for being able to focus hard play hard and have a great season. we made playoffs baby! just the thing is...my brother has been on such a high from all of the victories we have had and now he is so upset because we cud have won. like seriously it was so close look up there--the refs were being stupid(paige will prob disagree lol) but it was just so frustrating because we definately cudve won.

now im not saying damascus isnt amazing because of COURSE THEY ROCK MY SOCKS and i kinda knew they wud win? but idk it was like something was telling me we had a chance

so at the VERY end of the game it started raining just a little bit for about a minute and that really made me think about sako, to me that rain symbolized soko's tears.



why does life have to be so hard? i am sooo drained right now...physically, emotionally...just everything



its really hard when it actually hits you that...well that no one lives forever. of course i have known this but up until now i never really thought anything of it. well at least for someone this young. 16 years old

this week has been extremely difficult but i am so glad that everyone at churchill has been helping eachother out and being there for one another. its really great to know how much we all care about eachother but why did it have to take a tragedy for everyone to realize it?

various events have gone on this week in memory of sako...thursday night a candlelight vigil was held and today there was a slide show. i have so many memories with sako and seeing sam and chloe was really hard because we all used to play together. i miss him. everyone misses him. he just always had a smile on his face and was such a great guy. my childhood revolved around sako and sako was the definition of my lighthearted fun childhood memories. i have done many things this week in order to remember him...reflect on his life...and get some closure on saying goodbye to him...but i cant get his face out of my head. i walk thru school and i see him...but then its not him. its like every single thing i see...every word i hear...ever song i sing...every anything reminds me of him. im going to be okay. everyone is. but i just have so many regrets in not talking to sako these past few years in high school because he truly was a heaven on earth. people grow apart. its just what happens.

but i have learned a really important lesson from all of this--sometimes u CANT let that happen. heres something i wrote the other day when i was thinking about my relationship not only with sako...but with many people of whom i wish i was closer with:


"you know when ur walking through a hall and u see someone u know but dont say hi because it is awkward or u have lost touch with them? don't be afraid...is a simple hello so hard? you might be thankful in the end that u waved hello and remained their friend. don't ignore any past friendships...cherish the ones u love because you never know when they are going to leave you."

rip sarkis nazarion i love you and can't wait till the day we meet again
"in the end my friend, we all will be together again"